I have been married to my husband for over 6yrs now. I love him so, but health is the heartbeat to our paths of life. I just want to sell my home then run as far as I can, by myself. I had been blaming all the sexual problems on myself. If you interfere with him and what he wants to do now you will end up badly broken I saw him fracture one mans scull with his cane when that man swept his cane putting him on the floor then asking how had i ever ended up with that looser. I managed to have 3 kids but only when i was pregnant did i want to have sex.before and after i couldnt and still cant until we get started. Also, I feel that since I have had two marriages and two divorces, I feel like I need to work on my spirituality and salvation. It is at the point now when he touches me, kisses me, etc. Sex Avoidance and Anxiety Disorders And just so disgusted, like you cant get clean on the outside or the inside it just sucks. I think were all agreeing more than we think we are. Disgust: A Natural Emotional Response to Abuse Hey Matt, Thanks for sharing your story. Its all normal. We are sorry to hear about your struggles. I was also relieved to see that it has a name, and Im not the only one suffering from it. I do not have a sex aversion because i am still stimulated by other females. Sex is part of that but I think its a small part. But she doesnt even consider for a minute that she, or we, could do something about it. It is such a painful thing to happen. Especially the foreplay. My ex walked out on me over 6 years ago. Why do I not like being hugged? Some people feel disgusted by physical touch because they have experienced trauma, whether its sexual trauma or another type. It was with a prostitute and she found out about it. Ive never enjoyed sex (it actually feels like a chore) I completely hate it now. Agree to limited sexual contact. I can function sexually when having sex with strangers and paid sex but I cannot function sexually in a close relationship. You are way out of line to assume the woman above is teasing her boyfriend. Im not repressed; it simply didnt happen. So I dont have a success story- yet, but, I am very hopeful! Its possible she could need help . I left with his mother, and brother driving my husbands blazer to the mid west, he was getting post patrol leave and R and R as my husband went to Banger Washington. I guess i will have to look for some online advice, i live in southamerica in a country where the kind of therapy available does not cover this issue very well (psychoanalysis/psychodynamic therapy is very popular here and the issue of sexual aversion is not very known). We spend one night together at my home in the same bed. If you arent willing to do it then the only alternatives for your spouse is to also do without or get it elsewhere. I Feel Disgusted When My Husband Touches Me - A This anxiety which is often unconscious, manifests itself in an inability to orgasm or, more often and inability to get an hold an erection. It feels intensely intimate, flooding them with overwhelming feelings. But youre totally right in that a woman who has this type of aversion, can become totally disgusted with their man, thinking they are oversexed and OBSESSED! After repetitively insuring him this was not right, he continued to do so. leads to disgust with men as a whole.leads to disgust with sexleads to disgust with menso on and so forth. Or, maybe they could be Asexual or Demisexual. But put your foot down and stick to it. WebWhen you dont get enough physical touch, you can become stressed, anxious, or depressed. I didnt have the courage to tell her that I felt rejected and unloved. Wifes responsibility is to provide those NEEDS. I had a tendency to get into my head, even if someone was noticeably attracted to me. She feels guilty and she doesnt want us to break up. But he always says..he loves me and wants to be with me. It may be helpful for him to do some sessions on his own as well. Web7. It doesnt matter what you say, this is how men are they are visually stimulated and when you look gross with saggy droopy stretched out skin and are covered in stretch marks, guess what, you become as attractive as medusa or the elephant man. Steve, I am going through a very similar problem only ours has already led to separation. You will be fine. I guess it all boils down to extreme insecurity. SEX REMINDS ME OF LOVE. And yet, even in this knowing, i just cant seem to get over it. Thank you for sharing your stories. I once went to a clothes optional hot springs and went along with all the nakedness but I was thinking the whole time best to leave your clothes on, folks. I find it really weird that this is seen as a disorder. I have become very unstable. I have recently started working as a webcam model and it is EXTREMELY difficult to convince clientele that you are into it, with a disorder like this. After about 2 weeks, we managed to have sex. Hope you were able to sort that out :/ ) Are there any type of online support groups for those who are suffering from Sexual aversion? Not desiring sex is just thatnot desiring sex. If so, then consider that you may be afraid of experiencing these highly stimulating sexual activities for yourself. I have the same symptoms like you but my familylife is a breeze. I feel so bad to say no. Im so weird! Whilst being asexual doesnt automatically mean touch aversion will come into play, it can be something which is experienced. in order to pump myself up just to endure going through with sex. Its also something that isnt widely talked about nor understood. hi i am a 36 year old male with a history of bipolar and severe psychological depression and ocd. So we are free agents with clear economic boundaries too and no children (both our children are grown up and with other partners). Do you find that you have lost all sex drive entirely? Are there common warning signs or red flags that I should have seen? I came here looking for information on my own sexual aversion and after almost a year of struggling with it, my own husband came clean and told me he has a porn addiction. Dont you need an erection to be able to impregnate her? Allow yourself to feel all of these emotions fully. I made my concerns vocal, and we both did some research. Theres no such thing as sexual aversion. It is ending my marriage as we speak. I feel dirty if I have sex because I wanted to be married and have a husband. I know I still love her but this aversion is making it impossible for us to move forward after this affair. stay single! Those are the only 2 options she is giving me. She said she understands. You can put in effort and bring back the in love feelings with your true love partner but its not automatic. I am starting to learn that sexual aversion can be a number of things, including an involuntary defense mechanism. My mind and body say no but I have to force myself to meet his needs. AHHHHH! I know this sounds stupid but it feels like it doesnt or shouldnt be affecting me anymore but I guess it still is. Just remember.. her undesire to have sex with you, has nothing to do with you. My marriage was essentially sexless (because he wasnt attracted to my deformed post baby body and he didnt like me at all), it was like pity on me for him to even attempt bad sex with me. We divorced after 2 kids and 14 years, and we didnt have sex for the last 5-6 years. The next morning his father was all over him to reenste since he wanted out so badly. but a couple times of that and even then10 minutes would go by and it would be So are you finished yet or.?. Is this not some form abuse? I would have never married. UGH, its so frustrating. I can get close to someone but intimacy on that level is not my thing. Our society tells us that we must have sex every day or else something is wrong with us. lonely, especially if no one knows about your diagnosis. I live in ventura ca and desperately need the name of a therapist that can help fiances trauma related sexual aversion, Thanks for your comment. While I agree that culture, religion, gender and sexual orientation are all important factors to consider in any study about sex, to I am 51 years old. In my own life I have found healing by treating my aversion as an addiction. It really is gross. And i cant seem to get it thru his head, that I still love him and want top be with him, Married for 10 yrs.I moved out of our house 8 months ago. It doesnt seem right to link `not feeling` something to `clearly negativ feelings`. After some years of some needlessly painful experiences, I began Therapy and slowly unwound the Sexual Abuse In my early childhood. What do you think is wrong with him? But.. like I said, this all sort of came out of the blue. I pray that my love for her will never fade..Hopeless in Garland,TX. He didnt want to be bothered, he was too busy or he was traveling most of the time. she has been going through this problem for 8 years now she says she doesnt even love me anymore as a sexual partner/ romantic partner. I used to LOVE having sex and being sexual and touchy with my husband. We have finally begun to talk about it and now everything is coming out. My husband said why warn them that would not have been fun for him. I was back on my feet, became optimistic, landed a successful job after ten years of struggling, and the affair inspired me to be a better husband, brought upon inspiration and it saved me, but then my wife pushed me away and I begged her at one point I am incredibly alone romantically. Then the affair ended, I came clean with my wife. But my issues with him are causing an aversion to anyone I dont get crushes, I dont notice attractive people, I dont have naughty dreams about anyone. Two different things. I dont enjoy deep conversations or sitting on the couch with him Im too afraid he will ask me for sex. Hey there. Or just towards him? Listen.. you dont ever have to have sex again.. thats okay. Yes, the same thing happened to me. No one should do that with their partner. I had been independent through my life as I raised my children on my own before I decided dating was a possibility. Id say so. And people get mad at me when i cant perform because they think its them. my husband will not coinsider any one now. Its a true journey of inner healing that needs to be done and that takes time. Its of course no longer a secret that I am drinking and now just another sore spot between us. Not sure of my problem but, I just dont feel any arousal and couldnt maintain erection. Whats the point of putting all that time and energy into this ritual for a tiny moment of pleasure that feels like a sneeze. Those with the disorder were sexually active before and felt that atraction.So if you have always felt this way and there was no trauma involved, Literally zero. Eventually My refusal of sex and being held in the marriage by a Guardianship Ended in 2013 with him forcing me into sex, The attempt to keep him from his seniority rights both by legal means and force ended with over 35 men badly hurt. Whens the last time you got some? 3 years ago. The list goes on. okay i have bad sexual aversion due to trauma, however, I am very sexual, in that I tend to clear my mind in the moment and try not to think of what is being done to me or what I am doing and just do the task at hand. Matt, this is me exactly, including the drinking. When you blow off your partner. Now I shutter at the thought of faking it and go out of my way to avoid contact at all. Both emotions arise as our body responds to a I DONT WANT TO TRY AGAIN BECAUSE I REFUSE TO FEEL THE PAIN FROM LOVE AGAIN. My wife put limitations on our sex life. yes, it bothered me that much. I can relate to every word you said, as I never even explained this condition with my significant other. I thought that had something to do with it, but I know Ive pretty much always felt this way. That is all they think about 24/7. single men sleep with everyone. Are you still with your husband? I totally agree with you. The smells and the fluids etc are repulsive. No porn for quite some years but some lusting after women in public & lying about that too. I never felt this way before. I love her desperately, but I cannot help that I have an extremely high sex drive any more than she can help her aversion to it. Hi TC, I cant believe there is actually a name for this. I am pretty sure that is the case with my wife. Woah i am so glad theres a name for it i am recently married to one patient guy, we havent been able to have sex yet because this has become such a huge problem for me. Everything tried to get my husband to consider his wants and needs were not ours or the communities. The scars just make it easier for me to keep to myself its a socially accepted excuse. You dont mention what things you like to do to your boyfriend, but if youre doing things to tease, tantalize to the point of bordering on sodomy, Id question your actions/motives. Ive been in a relationship for 9 years, and sex has always felt like a chore for me, and I do it out of guilt most times, but I also do it because I am in love with him. I am him! The minute that a sexual encounter feels expected, even if the person doesnt mean for it to come across that way, I completely shut down on all levels. I could see the problems this would cause in the community. Home Terms of Service Privacy Policy Sitemap Subscribe to The GoodTherapy Blog. Some of us may be very, very sensitive to this. WHATEVER shes doing to her boyfriend does NOT EQUATE to a sexual aversion simply because its NOT LIKELY that if she actually has an aversion to sex, that she would do ANYTHING related to it. Ughhh. So after about 10 years and just gave up with her. It had been a hard week and I just kept reliving the multiple arguments and his angry outbursts with me and the kids , and although we werent mad at each other at the moment , the thought of trying to fake sexual pleasure was beyond repulsive. WebWhy do I feeling like I have to stop eating entirely just because someone touched my food? I havent bothered with sex for about 15 years, just wont get up anymore. I know where it came frommy previous marriage. It makes me want to leave him, just so I wont have to have sex or let anyone touch me anymore, I wish this has was the case with my situation. Can anyone help explain this? Truly surprising. I believe that I am working on my relationship with God. As I have gotten older it has gotten worse. Hi Random_Person, The idea of it is not just un-appealing, but it is literally OFF-PUTTING. Im an African American male, and my dates/relationships have been almost exclusively with White girls/women over nearly sixty years, and all involved frequent sex. Bec I am sorry to hear your trauma. I have realized that I like the freedom of being single and celibate. He is always amazing and understanding and never pushes too far. Do you know how frustrating that is? I sensed that she had lost her physical affection for me and I was afraid to ask. Dont settle anymore! Because I wanted to keep the man that wanted them. My feelings regarding Bi Polar disorder is that it would NOT be a determining factor in the case of, or willingness, or ability to engage in sex no matter what the conditions are. I have had some sexual trauma in my childhood. We were HS sweethearts but went our separate ways and then yes later came back together again. Instead of forcing his time for one that summer I lived at my mother the next two year while my husband father got him put under a court order requiring him to go to the court for his vacation request which for the next 13 years was never granted In 2000 hedecided he did not care what the court bwas going to or not going tio grant he was going to Bavareria with me over the milliniall holiday after the most horrible argument and my offer when we returned we would see to it he got time out of the plant He did not have to defy the court and the community over the holiday we would talk things through after the new century and try and find ways to go some place nice, If you have every heard the way a sailor can make you feel less than an inch tall it was one of those times He flattened the first two deputies that showed up to take him into custody then the next two caught him chasing his father around and two other men who tried to restrain him and they tassed him to his kneess. She cares in that way. As I know and feel he wants to be the dominator over all I do. Especially in formative years, such as childhood and adolescence, the brain is creating pathways to understand sexuality. I believe that a man has to take care of the household finances, fixing up the place when things get broken down. Has your wife stated that she only does not want YOU as a romantic partner or that she doesnt want ANYONE? Dont Touch Me! A Guide to Understanding Touch This was devastating for her and the worse part is, it was useless for me as I learned that this in no way made up for a lack of sex in our marriage. I never thought it was great, and neither did she. Are commonalities were sparse, he drank spirits nightly and smoked heavily. WebBut due to this unexplained horrible feeling, Im very scared to breastfeed my babies one day for fear of them somehow sucking on my nipples will give me that sickening feeling in the core of my being. There may be days when I feel like this but not month after month or year after year. I am resigned to not staying together. Not a boyfriend. I Feel Disgusted When My Husband Touches Me (19 This would indicate that ? Could be ANYTHING. This is EXACTLY how I feel. I see the movie I want to see, I eat where i want to eat, I dont drag myself to backyard bbqs with the drunkards.. It doesnt cause me much anxiety. I even try to look less attractive to him. WebDisgust is an emotion to which I never gave much thought. it makes me feel lighter. I know exactly what shes talking about. And for those wondering I had fantastic parents and never suffered any sort of sexual trauma in my life. Did some sort of traumatic even occur? I wish I had an answer to this because I dont want to leave my marriagenot do I want to live the next 20 years or whatever in this agony. To be honest.. i even prompted the topic to him before i said yes to marriage so he knew and was very ok with that but our first anniversarys coming up and weve still not got there yet. I do not know what to do. Its still uncomfortable for me, though. I think its so important to remember that everyone is built differently and that some of us go through experiences, like you have, that can cause difficulties as well. It is day to day. Your right.. most men are just plain pigs. Please think about this. I am a married man who has been with my wife over 20 years and 16 of those have been mostly sexless (1x per year or less). could you please recommend some literature that i could get online so i could read about it? You do not feel aroused, yet you engage in sex anyway Can a childhood of emotional and physical abuse also cause this? I love my partner but hate my situation and often feel tortured by the whole thing. The point is I understood two things from reading this article. It is insanity to keep attempting the same thing. Im very confused by this, as I love him very much. Youre absolutely right. I notice that female commenters get lots of love and support for their stories, male commenters, even those bringing up very sad tales of sexual issues get no response. But no one ever said you cant have sex in the dark. I dont know many men that would be willing to be so patient with their significant others, so your a breath of fresh air! Im NOT sure that in such cases an aversion to sex would be a proper description of this conditional behavior. Haphephobia (Fear of Being Touched) - Cleveland Clinic They enjoy that their partner enjoys the experience even if it isnt something they personally want to experience. I think it is fair to say that having kids when you didnt want them could cause an aversion. I used to think it was my medication causing the issues but certain meds can cause lack of drive; not a full on aversion. This relationship is not right. Not really understanding my condition or supporting he challenged to control me and manipulate his desires. I panicked. I quote the Taylor Swift song: darling I am a nightmare dressed like a daydream because I am. if a man even looks at me with a hint of wanting, I am out of that room faster then flash! As a female who has a boyfriend, I completely understand that a man has needs. Hi Ashley, i feel guilty as my partner gets angry but all of a sudden is like that part of me died?? being sent back to my mothers with he did not need a useless wife who did not stand with him. A sex therapist could be helpful, but a trauma therapist or couples counselor could also be beneficial, especially if you are having trouble talking about your past with your partner. His last patrol was waivered to get him to go on it, but I had no idea at that time why we were notified he was ok after we had not heard directly from him in nearly three years except for trying to talk him into reenlisting seven months before over a Thanksgiving meal on his boat before he was flown to another boat on the west coast leaving on patrol, another time to replace a drug bust. I really like this guy and dont know how to solve this problem. She has to be willing to just do it. We have been married 20 years and have three teenage children . His sister, youngest brother and I His father told me to stay out of sight the first week he was home or the plan he had to force my husband back to the service would fail. When I searched for it online I was devasted. Uh, no. Months ago I had my birth chart done in astrology and I saw a maelific planetary placement in my chart a placement that brings only pain and suffering, the darkness and evil of relationships. Not everyone desires sex. That is entirely consistent with someone having sexual aversion issues that arent perhaps the most extreme they could be. I feel like Im going crazy trying to reconcile my deep longing for her and her detachment and unwillingness to face the issue. He is emotionally unavailable. :( He has said horrible things to me and it took a while to break me down but now/a lil while before, after anger set it, I did the same even when I promised myself I wouldnt. I do not want to be touched, I do not want to have sex, I do not want to have anyone tell me anything about sex. WebIn The Science Of The Art Of Psychotherapy, Allen Schore explains that disgust is an emotional state similar to feeling fear. Relationships are not for everyone they are currently not for me havent been for a super long time.